I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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