it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize