His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize