i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
