Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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