so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
