lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
