yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
