i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize