I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
