I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
