he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
