i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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