Do you still have your period?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
