I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
