omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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