New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
