What did we do last night that was yellow?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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