I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
