Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
