My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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