She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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