hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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