remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize