My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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