no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
