Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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