I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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