i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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