shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
