Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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