you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
