The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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