you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
