i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
