He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
