Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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