a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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