I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
