another moral hangover. fuck.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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