So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
