I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
