My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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