i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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