what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize