Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
