yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
