I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
