You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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