Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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