i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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