i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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