oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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