There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
