So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
