i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
