hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what day is it and did you see me today?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
