I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
