I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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