i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
