if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
