Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
too bad you live with your parents still
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Are my feet made of real feet?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
