I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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