I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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