he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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