last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
