Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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