So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
