Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
