I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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