her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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