The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
