idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
