I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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