so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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