Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
