I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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