Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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