yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
