Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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