Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize