My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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