I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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