I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
