all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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