I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
