i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize