My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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