I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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