how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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