i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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