Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
