dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
