Kiss
Puke
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
