I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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