Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
