Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
