u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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