Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
