ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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