This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
