We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
