Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
