if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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